Kitty on the Crossbeams (or Theres a Mother-Fing Cat in our Mother-Fing Ceiling)

Kitty on the Crossbeams (or Theres a Mother-Fing Cat in our Mother-Fing Ceiling)

A non illustrated picture book, based on a true story.

Written by: Amanda Freshman
Non illustrated by: Amanda Freshman

This book is dedicated to anyone in the pest control business, who has to deal with this kind of thing all the time.

PAGE 1:

Late one night, Girl and Boy were in the kitchen, cookin' up some chicken, laughing at the day's events and waiting for the sauce to thicken.

{pic of Girl and Boy with aprons on, scent swizzles rising from the pan over the stove)

PAGE 2:

The sizzle in the pan was interrupted by a meow at the door. Zoey, Girl and Boy's cat, stopped what she was doing and listened for more.

(pic of Zoey looking at the door, head cocked to one side)

PAGE 3:

Girl opened the door hesitantly and peeked outside. A black cat jumping into the garage attic was what she spied!

(pic of Girl staring wide-eyed at glowing eyes, looking at her from a hole in the garage ceiling)

PAGE 4:

Shrieking, Girl stepped back and shut the door tight. She thought to herself, "Here comes an interesting night." Girl explained the dilemma as Boy listened close. She said to him, "Now what do you propose?"

(pic of Girl and Boy standing by the garage door talking, Zoey the cat sitting in between the two of them, watching them worriedly)

PAGE 5:
Boy said to Girl, "It'll be okay. Look, there are stairs to the attic, I'll lead the way." In the garage he pulled the stairs down from a hiding place in the ceiling. Girl replied with a frown. Those stairs looked rickety, yes they did. Those stairs looked dangerous, heaven forbid.

(pic of rickety stairs leading to the attic. Girl and Boy are looking at each other with hesitant smiles)

PAGE 6:

They crept up those stairs, one at a time. The air was cold and dusty, forever did they climb.

(pic of Zoey watching Girl and Boy ascend the stairs from below)

PAGE 7:

Up they went with a creak.

(pic of Boy in front of Girl on the stairs)

PAGE 8:

Creak.

(same pic as the last page)

PAGE 9:

Creak.

(same pic as the last page)

PAGE 10:

The silence was eerie, the darkness was too. Goose bumps covered their bodies, from head to shoe. At the top of the stairs they peered around for the cat. They saw instead a kitty sized hole in between a couple slats. The hole lead to the ceiling of their warm home. Girl and Boy looked at each other with a groan.

(pic of glowing eyes looking at boy and girl from a hole leading to the ceiling of the house)

PAGE 11:

Girl and Boy descended the stairs, what could they do? They sat down for chicken dinner to think things through.

(pic of Girl and Boy sitting at a table, poking at food with their forks. View out the large window is a full moon with tall, leafless trees. Zoey is sitting in the window sill looking out)

PAGE 12:

Girl said to Boy, "What do we do, put out some food in a bowl?" Boy said to Girl, "Lets call Animal Control." They'd have to wait till morning, they supposed. Yes, they'd have to wait, for the business was closed.

(pic of Boy with his pointer finger raised as if with a great idea, giant grin on his face)

PAGE 13:

All night long they could hear the cat creep across the crossbeams in their ceiling. Neither could sleep.

(pic of Girl and Boy lying in bed, looking up wide-eyed at the ceiling, bags under their eyes. Zoey is curled up asleep at the foot of the bed)

PAGE 14:

The next day, Girl was on the phone bright and early. Animal Control said to rent a trap for a fee. Place some food in the trap, set it up and wait. Soon the cat would come and take the bait. Then let it go outside or call back and an officer could come pick it up in a sack.

(pic of Girl on the phone with a skeptical look on her face)

PAGE 15:

Well they got the trap, they set it up, they placed it outside with some food in a cup. They waited and waited and in no time at all they heard a clamoring, even down the hall.

(pic of Girl and Boy smiling in satisfaction at each other)

PAGE 16:

Boy went outside and uncovered the trap. Sure enough, a black kitty was eyeing him back. This cat was not happy, no he was not. He yowled and growled and hissed and fought.

(pic of a black cat with its hair standing on end, not looking happy with Boy swallowing a lump in his throat)

PAGE 17:

Boy opened the garage and released the cat outside, it ran (and fast!) and soon did it hide. Girl and Boy looked at each other and sighed with relief. Girl said to Boy, "This time for dinner, let's eat some beef!" They smiled and laughed and thought the story was done...

(pic of Boy and Girl sitting at the table looking at each other with relief, pretty sunset out the large window with Zoey in the window sill)

PAGE 18:

until the next night when they heard more sounds in the ceiling and realized it had just begun.

(pic of Girl and Boy lying in bed with eyes bulging, big circles under their eyes, Zoey looking just as distressed)