Gender

Me with Grandma Frances
Me with Grandma Margie


I've been thinking a bit about a conversation I listened to last night about gender roles. I do have a strong opinion about this subject, but before I give it to you flat out, let me give you some of my background.

I've always been a tom boy. Like, I hated having my hair brushed when I was little, detested pink, played with the boys, got dirty. I didn't start wearing makeup until maybe my junior year in high school and I still don't know how to curl my hair. I took a Women Studies class in high school and studied a little feminism independently.

I had two very different grandmas growing up. My grandma Margie eloped with my grandpa when she was fifteen and he was eighteen. She stopped going to high school to start a family and had her first child when she was (I think) seventeen. That is not to say she wasn't smart. She was a very intelligent woman with a strong will. She managed the family finances and was the boss around there. She went back to school and got her GED when her kiddos were all grown up. She did that for herself. She was a mother and a house wife. My grandpa worked and she raised three kids, cooked, cleaned, and kept everyone in line. They had a marriage of mutual respect and love. They were married for a little over 60 years until she passed away. If you ask anyone about that marriage they will tell you two people couldn't love one another more than those two did.

My other grandma Frances joined the Navy and repaired planes for the Pacific War. She went to college. She was in her later twenties before she had her first child, which was fairly late back then. She worked at the University in the botany department. She enjoyed dressing up for Halloween parties and her rum and cokes. Though she was a very independent woman, she and my grandpa also had a strong relationship. They had respect for one another and loved and understood each other more than I think anyone will know. Growing up, I remember watching them spend time together; you could just see that their relationship was deep and strong. I don't know how to explain it except like that.

Gender isn't like sex. It's not a question of female or male. It's a whole spectrum. I was talking to a girl I work with who is taking Genetics up at the University of Utah and she was sharing with me all the different factors that go into gender, physiologically. It's something you are born with. I have a friend with a one year old granddaughter who found an old baby doll laying around the house that was her mother's when she was little. She carries that little baby with her everywhere, even though so far she's been brought up in gender neutral environment. I've also known little boys who are very nurturing and sensitive, even when brought up in a testosterone heavy childhood. The same is true of typical "boy" gender roles. My nephew is such a boy. Just drawn to trucks, knocking blocks over, being loud and playing rough, although he has two big sisters and had mostly their toys to play with for the first couple years. I've also seen girls who love to wrestle and hate pink, like myself.

To get to the point, I am all for equal rights and freedom to choose however you want your life to be, whether you are a man or a woman. I think people should be who they are. If a man wants to stay home with the kids while the woman works, fine. Visa versa. If a woman chooses not to marry, good for her. Whatever makes you happy. Although my both my grandmas led fairly different lives and made different choices, I don't think one led a more meaningful life than the other. I respect and love them both equally. So please, if you are arguing for women's rights, don't be condescending towards the women that choose to marry, stay home with those babies, let the man earn the money. We all deserve to choose how to live and be happy and no one should be looked down upon for their choices.